Complicated

Usually when someone dies, everything is sad.

This time, it's different. This time, it's too complicated.

Those of you who know me well know that the family situation with my grandmother is tenuous. I almost used the word complicated again. But that works too.

She died tonight. And, as my brother said, it's different than the last time we had someone die. It's either got to be harder than this, or easier than this, he said.

I feel exactly the same way. Without making this too complicated, I'll just say that this is the first time in my life that I have felt simultaneously disappointed, relieved, guilty, angry and devastated.

It's very overwhelming.