You know you're from GJ when...

I'm so busy and buried with homework that I've resorted to posting lists of mildly amusing things to assure you all that I am still alive. The fifth-graders haven't drained me of (quite) all my energy yet, so long as I can paste a list. - E.


...have no idea where this came from... but so true. Feel free to add some if you think of them.

You Know You're From Grand Junction When:

-You never use a compass. Mountain ranges tell you which directions you're headed

-Although your city has an airport, you always drive to Salt Lake or Denver for flights

-The term "Devil's Kitchen" doesn't intimidate you

-You've ever cruised North Avenue on a Friday night

-You know why Clifton Village South is not somewhere you want to live

-You travel out of town just to go to a decent movie theater (not anymore- thank you, Regal Cinemas!)

-You miss the cow on 12th Street.

-You spend every summer evening at Canyon View Park.

-You've driven all the way up to Glade Park to watch a movie projected on the side of a building and eat $2 hamburgers that were grilled on the back of a fire engine.

-You've actually climbed the face of a mountain merely to touch a flag pole.

-Floating down the river is a favorite past time.

-There are more churches per capita than anything else!

-The best day of your life was the day Krispy Kreme opened.

-You know which Wal-Mart is the "good one" and which is the "bad one"

-The name Gay Johnson doesn't offend you or cause you to blush

-No one knows what a yellow light means much less a yellow arrow

-You drive around all night looking for a corn maze that may or may not exist

-Your kids have gone trick-or-treating as skiers because it's so cold they need a coat

-You've actually cut down your own Christmas tree before out of a real forest

-You know the difference between Powderhorn and Old Powderhorn.

-Color Sunday is something you look forward to every year.

-No U-turns allowed. Anywhere.

-You have ever worked at Star Tek. And quit when you found out it has nothing to do with astronomy.

-You've ever timed your trips around railroad crossings to see if you made time avoiding the coal trains.

-Driving "all the way" across town only takes 20 minutes

-There's only one mall, and it's only one story, and you can stand in the middle and see each end

-You wonder where Jamba Juice went. And wonder what Jamba means.

-All major roads have two names.

-It's not weird to you that a road name can have a letter and a fraction.

-You call the state line the "Utah border" because you really think of Utah as another country instead of a state.

Ode to the noodle who invented these noodles...

I can't believe it.

The inventor of the Cup o' Noodles is dead.

Of a heart attack. Only days after he enjoyed some of his oh-so-good chicken delight.

Check it out (compliments of the AP):
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TOKYO - Momofuku Ando, the Japanese inventor of instant noodles -- a dish that has sustained American college students for decades -- has died. He was 96.
Nissin Food Products Co., the company Ando founded, said on its Web site that he died Friday after suffering a heart attack.

Born in Taiwan, Ando founded his company in 1948 from a family operation. Faced with food shortages in post-World War II Japan, Ando thought a quality, convenient noodle product would help feed the masses.

In 1958, his Chicken Ramen -- the first instant noodle -- was introduced after many trials. Building on its success, the company added other products, such as the Cup Noodle in 1971.

The Momofuku Ando Instant Ramen Museum opened in 1999 in Ikeda City in western Japan commemorating his inventions.
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And what would the world be without Ramen? The convenience and cheapness of this great food not only sustained the Japanese, but it also fed great minds. Imagine all the poor, starving college students who went on to invent useful things beyond the Ramen. But could they have done it without frugal brainfood? I think not...

As Calvin Coolidge once said, "Economy is the method by which we prepare today to afford the improvements of tomorrow."

Things you never knew about Chuck Norris

My sister, showing her propensity for offering true thank-yous from the heart, sent this. I edited it slightly to spare you the mental repercussions from the original version.

Just wanted to say thanks for helping with the invites by sending some really important information about Chuck Norris:

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.



Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.